I know you are probably expecting me to talk about my goals I have been reaching with my weight and I have to say thats not what Ill be talking about again. My journey with this blog will not only be about my weight its my life period that includes my growth in the Lord, my eye opening experiences my struggles everything.
A little bit about the weight part of my life I have been soo busy and also sick this past October it seems like nothing has gone right with having time or energy to workout but like I have said before nothing is going to stop me from finishing what I have started as long its pleases God Im going to continue to better my health and weight no matter how long it takes.
Ok so what made me write today is recently God has been revealing somethings to me about what he wants me to do with my life where he wants me to go next. He hasnt really said when these things are going to happen but he has said Tesia there is no way out of what I am wanting you to do SO JUST DO IT!! AHHHH!!! thats what I am feeling right now with this is yes I am so willing to do what you want me to God but do I really have to talk about that to reach people? DO I need to be all vulnerable and stuff with strangers? friends with family?..uhh that is soooo not ok lol.. Like I know people out there you have those things about you that no one knows about except you and God or maybe the other people involved in it with you. And you cant imagine ever speaking to anyone about it for fear of judgement or rejection or the annoying pity looks and pats on the back. Why is that? A few of my girlfriends and I were discussing the issue last night and I feel like we still didnt get an answer from our great talk we had like why do we let ourselves care? Though for the most part I honestly do not care what people think of me I know I live for an audience of One and if what I am doing is pleasing him then thats all that matters because through pleasing and loving him I grow to love others you feel me?..but then I have satan and my own human fears messing with my head like Tesia if you do this people will never look at you the same ohhh those Christian Folk who are suppose to love you are going to look down on you...uhh then back to Tesia's shell she goes.
Also why is it where I am suppose to be the most open is where I fear to do just that The Church. Now dont get me wrong I am not trying to bash the church and I struggle with putting myself out there period but as I know my life is being called into ministry this is my focus right now. Why amongst Christians there is so much things hidden away from each other in the dark. That is just the opposite of God who is light, that is where the enemy wants us to be we shouldnt be there. Im not saying every single thing about ourselves need to be all out in the open and everyone needs to give their like life story in front of large crowds of people but those things that have shaped us and that can possibly help someone else we need to stop allowing our fears and ourselves get in the way of God's work. We are are suppose to be one, we are suppose to family and be able to help one another and keep each other accountable but how can we do that if we dont speak to one other go beyond the surface shallow stuff LETS GET DEEPER PEOPLE. Now I know why we dont out of the fear of judgment, pity, people changing the way they view you but you know what WHO CARES!!! we need to let God speak through and for us more and be more obedient. Look at Moses he could barely speak yet when he listened and allowed God to do it for him he did mighty things for God's glory. Im sure those people who didnt know him before who heard him speak couldnt even imagine that, that man had ever had a speech issue. He put his obedience infront of his fear and through that his people were freed and God was exalted and praised!
I am not trying preach to you guys I am learning this myself and speaking to myself as well this is one of my biggest things I am dealing with right now. I may not come off that way with people but I am very private person even with my family with internal battles, past heart aches, hang ups, issues things I am dealing with even now most I have kept/keep to myself for many of the reasons I spoken of before. But as I grow in my walk with the Lord even today as I am writing this he is speaking to me as well that we need to speak up more.. that I Tesia Jean-Baptiste need to speak up more to help advance the kingdom of God by us being free from those chains. That I just need to remember to put myself behind him and the cross and allow him to speak through me. After my friend Savannah died we had shirts made in her memory and on the front it says Be Transparent but I have not done that and the enemy plays on that all the time.
I am tired of it and though it will be hard for me to do I know in order for no one else to fall through the cracks on my watch I have to be willing to speak up and be vulnerable and do what I allow my friends/family and even at times strangers be with me is TRANSPARENT! I ask for everyone who knows me that is even remotely close to me to forgive me because in reality you barely know me. I know sooo much about so many of you and I thank you for trusting me but I ask you to forgive me because I havent trusted you. Before I get emotional Im signing off but I hope you all feel encouraged today and know God loves you and wants you to be free of whatever chains are holding you back. The world says surrendering is giving up and in a way losing your freedom and control but when you surrender to the Lord and his will for you its the most liberating experience EVER!! Again I am not saying you need to tell everyone you meet about yourself but if you feel that tug on your heart from God to share something with someone do it the only fear you should have is of the being telling you to do it and he already knows your issues so why be scared? He could be using you to help save someone's life dont run from it! or helping you save your own life. When things are in the light the more we are fighting this battle against the enemy and winning.
And if you dont get anything out of what I just wrote what I do pray and hope you leave with is STOP WORRYING WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK OR SAY ABOUT YOU THE ONLY ONE YOU SHOULD WORRY ABOUT IS THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU WAY MORE THAN ANYONE EVER COULD!! AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT IS YOU HAVE DONE OR GONE THROUGH OR MISTAKE YOU WILL MAKE IN THE FUTURE. REMEMBER HIS GRACE AND REMEMBER YOU SERVE AN AUDIENCE OF ONE!! LOVE LOVE YOU ALL
Tesia
Proverbs 3:5-6
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