ALMOST HALF WAY!!

So I decided that Thursdays will be my weigh in day and also time for me to blog so here I am haha idek.. anywho

Well I weighed myself today and Im down another 4lbs!!! I cant believe it!! 16lbs down God is so good!! he is honestly who I have to thank to get me through this mental game of trying to lose weight. I also have my cousin Nadege who is such a great encourager and helps keep me motivated in the physical aspect of it all .I dont know what I would do without her THANKS CUZO!! LOVE U LOTS I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH THAN I SHOW THANK YOU, YOU ARE AHHMAZING!!

I cant believe that I'm almost at my half way mark for my first goal of losing 40lbs by September. Its crazy how things come together when you finally put your mind to something I know I have a very long and hard road ahead of me but I feel great and cant wait to see how I look once I get to my first goal in September.

Oh and I took my measurements on monday yeaa umm enough said on how I felt when I did those lol another thing that I will keep to myself until I am all done haha I just wonder why I let it go this far before I got my crap together well I guess it just goes back to everything happens for a reason and I needed it to really slap me in the face to wake up to what I needed to do.

God has blessed me in so many ways not just with guiding me through this physical change but most importantly my spiritual walk. It is getting that much better letting go of doubts that I have had for a little while now and his truth brightens up my day I love it!! 

One thing though Im going home tomorrow (friday) to visit for a week Im so excited YAY!! but Im scared at the same time. Like the things that tempted me at home before I left that I have been able to conquer here will I be able to conquer at home this coming week? Will people notice a change in me? Will I make sure to workout? uhh this healthy lifestyle thing is kind of  overwhelming at times in these beginning stages like I wish I could take a week break from all of it but I know I cant do that. That if I did take a break it totally kills what I am striving for and I must stand my ground and keep fighting this fight even when I am on "vacation". I ask for those of you who are reading this for your prayers that I fight this fight even while I am at home so I have a good report again next week!! AHHH FLORIDA I'LL SEE U TOMORROW!!

Well Im gonna bounce...p.s the furniture guys came and dropped off some furniture my cousin and her husband bought..why is it that I look a HOTT MESS and one of the guys is cute and is the one I have to interact with the most uhh lol goodness...ok that has nothing to do with my weight but just thought Id share this is a blog right? lol ok Im done for reals now.

lata peeps

Proverbs 3:5-6 :)

yeaa

So yea things are going really well I honestly never thought I would get a grasp on this weight loss thing I really didnt. I mean I have always wanted to lose the weight and never have I really looked at myself as big as I am but at the same time did not think I would be able to truly find something that works for me. It feels soo good!! well those of you who dont know so far I have lost 12lbs and I dont intend on stopping anytime soon. I dont see the change in my body of 12lbs lost maybe since I have so much to lose bahahsskashkhskdffhahahah..but my cousin said she sees like a difference in me so thats comforting.

I will admit one thing I am fearful of is the fact of I get bored easily of things so I am constantly having to change up the foods I eat and the workouts I do to keep my mind from getting bored and plus it keeps my body confused they call it muscle confusion so I wont hit a plateau where i stop losing weight. Another thing for me is really keeping my relationship with God number one I really dont want this weight loss thing to become an obsession and I completely lose my mind Im crazy enough as it is I dont need to be some kind of weight loss freak crazy girl idek lol.

I think Im going to do this blog thing every week so I dont over do it maybe I'll do it a little more here and there but definitely once a week is working for me right now since I am so busy with taking care of my nephew which p.s is the cutest thing on this planet but yea thats a whole other blog.

i know I havent shared how much I weigh yet Im not that brave just yet lol you will know soon enough though as of now only God and I know how much I weigh haha. I will say I want to lose 70lbs by next march which I believe is totally doable my first 40lbs I want to lose my birthday this coming September if not 40lbs definitely 30lbs so we will see Lord willing haha. As i get to every 20lbs Im going to give myself gifts another form of motivation to keep going on this journey that I have decided to take. Gosh like most people I wish I could just go somewhere, where they just suck out all the fat out of my body all at once and I walk out slim and trimmed but back to reality yup still gotta work for it uhh.

Even though I have just started on this journey a few weeks ago I already feel a change inside of me like I know I cannot ever go back to the person I was just a month ago. Its a weird feeling but its like I know Im going to do it this time like I really am and it excites me and I am filled with joy about it. I have hit my ultimate low already and I never want to go back there again. Yea never again....

me

MY WAKE UP CALL!!

The journey I have started is one that will last my whole life here on earth but the hardest part of this journey is right now. Are you still wondering what I'm talking about? haha I'm getting there. Most people I know I don't ever really talk about my weight with just my close circle of friends I feel comfortable with and truly trust. Usually I'm coming off as the strong, funny, confident "big girl" most people know me by. But now I'm deciding to be a little vulnerable, a little open and share my "weight loss journey" uhh wow I said it i dont even know my world right now but I do know i want to share this journey with you all so that maybe someone out there will maybe be able to get something from it and also for me this is like therapy. I love to write but usually I dont write for others to see so this is a new experience for all.

Oh weight yea so when I was younger it was never an issue for me I was a thin happy kid. Then my dad left, then the asthma came followed by meds that without being active caused me to gain weight and of course food became in a way a comfort. Also with my mom being a single mother she was working a lot more and the way we usually ate changed to more fast food or take out and the wanting of bigger portions came as well. Every year since i was say 10 i have gained weight and it was not stopping.

Of course I have tried dieting tried the working out and I would do well for a few days or a week but then stop feeling bored and deprived of food my comfort. Well let me go back a little I dont need to go into details of my childhood but I will say it wasnt always the easiest and the things I have seen and faced, a child should never have to deal with which I have come to realize played an indirect part in this weight gain it was at times the only good thing in life for me. Sad I know but dont pity in the last  3 or 4 years I have really gotten to work on my relationship with God which has really helped me with those internal demons I'll be honest I havent overcome them completely but I am definitely in a much better place happier place then I have ever been.

So as I headed into this year I knew it was time to fix the physical part of me. I have worked on the spiritual (which is a constant thing), worked on my mental, my broken heart, now it was time to work on my broken body. Of I started to get bored and got off track for a couple of weeks ok maybe a little longer lol. Then one of my best girlfriends got engaged and I was looking at the pictures and then thinking of like her wedding which is far away but still going back to the pictures I was looking at and as Im looking at them I'm thinking omg I look HORRIBLE!!! like I'M FAT AND IT NEEDS TO CHANGE NOW!! LIKE I REFUSE TO BE THE FAT FRIEND AT THE WEDDING!!..ok enough of the caps but then I started to think it is much deeper than wanting to look good at my friend's wedding its I need to better my health so I can live a long fruitful life. At the rate I am going i dont think I would live past 50 so that was MY WAKE UP CALL I SAID TO MYSELF TESIA U R FAT AND ITS NOT OK YES BE CONFIDENT BUT U NEED TO BE HEALTHY AS WELL..ok so maybe I wasnt done with the caps haha

Now I have a fire that has been lit under my butt that I have never had before a drive that can never be taken from me. I have found what works for me when it comes to eating healthy and what I need to do to stay focused on my work outs and its not a diet its a life style change and Im liking this life style a lot more on where its going to take me than the one I was on before. So I as take this journey of weight loss I am going to share with you all my ups and downs, joys and pains, triumphs and failures in hoping it will help get me through and whoever is reading this get through as well. Uhh this is going to be intense...

me :)