MY WAKE UP CALL!!

The journey I have started is one that will last my whole life here on earth but the hardest part of this journey is right now. Are you still wondering what I'm talking about? haha I'm getting there. Most people I know I don't ever really talk about my weight with just my close circle of friends I feel comfortable with and truly trust. Usually I'm coming off as the strong, funny, confident "big girl" most people know me by. But now I'm deciding to be a little vulnerable, a little open and share my "weight loss journey" uhh wow I said it i dont even know my world right now but I do know i want to share this journey with you all so that maybe someone out there will maybe be able to get something from it and also for me this is like therapy. I love to write but usually I dont write for others to see so this is a new experience for all.

Oh weight yea so when I was younger it was never an issue for me I was a thin happy kid. Then my dad left, then the asthma came followed by meds that without being active caused me to gain weight and of course food became in a way a comfort. Also with my mom being a single mother she was working a lot more and the way we usually ate changed to more fast food or take out and the wanting of bigger portions came as well. Every year since i was say 10 i have gained weight and it was not stopping.

Of course I have tried dieting tried the working out and I would do well for a few days or a week but then stop feeling bored and deprived of food my comfort. Well let me go back a little I dont need to go into details of my childhood but I will say it wasnt always the easiest and the things I have seen and faced, a child should never have to deal with which I have come to realize played an indirect part in this weight gain it was at times the only good thing in life for me. Sad I know but dont pity in the last  3 or 4 years I have really gotten to work on my relationship with God which has really helped me with those internal demons I'll be honest I havent overcome them completely but I am definitely in a much better place happier place then I have ever been.

So as I headed into this year I knew it was time to fix the physical part of me. I have worked on the spiritual (which is a constant thing), worked on my mental, my broken heart, now it was time to work on my broken body. Of I started to get bored and got off track for a couple of weeks ok maybe a little longer lol. Then one of my best girlfriends got engaged and I was looking at the pictures and then thinking of like her wedding which is far away but still going back to the pictures I was looking at and as Im looking at them I'm thinking omg I look HORRIBLE!!! like I'M FAT AND IT NEEDS TO CHANGE NOW!! LIKE I REFUSE TO BE THE FAT FRIEND AT THE WEDDING!!..ok enough of the caps but then I started to think it is much deeper than wanting to look good at my friend's wedding its I need to better my health so I can live a long fruitful life. At the rate I am going i dont think I would live past 50 so that was MY WAKE UP CALL I SAID TO MYSELF TESIA U R FAT AND ITS NOT OK YES BE CONFIDENT BUT U NEED TO BE HEALTHY AS WELL..ok so maybe I wasnt done with the caps haha

Now I have a fire that has been lit under my butt that I have never had before a drive that can never be taken from me. I have found what works for me when it comes to eating healthy and what I need to do to stay focused on my work outs and its not a diet its a life style change and Im liking this life style a lot more on where its going to take me than the one I was on before. So I as take this journey of weight loss I am going to share with you all my ups and downs, joys and pains, triumphs and failures in hoping it will help get me through and whoever is reading this get through as well. Uhh this is going to be intense...

me :)